我好害怕，好害怕就算以女性的性别表达出去也得不到大家的认同，不会被大家当成一个女孩子来进行社交活动，害怕到有点想放弃但是又非常不甘心不甘心
好害怕得不到顺女的认同，害怕融入不进去，平时也没啥顺女朋友（就没几个朋友）更不太知道如何顺女相处，害怕这辈子是不是其实是变不了女孩子了，在质疑自己是不是应该走下去了，真的好害怕好害怕
（答曰：交朋友按照兴趣来就好，不必强求女性朋友）
真的真的感觉好绝望
有时候会在性别焦虑没那没严重的时候害怕自己是不是其实没必要开始转变，害怕未来会不会感觉到其实没法让我满意（不过后来得到的大部分回答是就算转变在某个时间节点没达到要求其实未来也不太会产生“因为没达到要求所以你从开始就不该走上转变的路”这种想法就是了）（真的到时候实在害怕不pass那么平时以一种中性性别表达出去又怎么了，你又不是不喜欢hrt给你身体带来的变化你想个der）
以及不要因为现在不pass就觉得未来也一定不会满意不pass什么的了，要有点信心
然后又开始害怕是不是我的HRT助长了我的性别焦虑情绪，（其实也感觉是某一方面的焦虑其实是有部分缓解的？（容貌），但是也担心是不是让人变抑郁后助长了自己的性别焦虑，会担心是不是熬一会儿就过去了
啊啊突然又好一点了，刚刚突然翻到外网去用英文搜了一下别人问跨性别恐惧的事情，突然发现了很多有用的回答！
Q：
Is it normal to be afraid to start transition? (Some days, I'm feeling confident and others days I'm afraid about details like passing, my size 1.87m, and pontential poor HRT effect. My feelings are changing a lot one day to another).
A1：
Transition scared the pants off of me (get it???).
Even though I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do, I was incredibly nervous about so much of it. Even knowing it’s the correct path, it’s still very much a leap of faith or that invisible bridge from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
There’s also that cruel thing that the most trouble and resistance you’ll face happens up front when you’re newest to it. A few years in when you’re battle-hardened and can handle anything? Very little comes up.
But know that many of us took the leap. Some people find it goes worse than they expected. Some find it goes better. But very few think it wasn’t worth it.
A2：
Thanks for the A2A. I hope my answer is helpful.
Yes, fear is normal. And if transition didn’t scare you, I’d say you were kidding yourself.
Don’t get me wrong. Once you start transition (and are truly trans), there is great exhilaration because we’re finally starting to release that burden that has weighed upon us. And while transition is never easy and can be incredibly disruptive to family life, relationships with friends and coworkers, career, and home, it almost always is much better, easier, and more successful than our pre-transition fears tell us.
Life without gender dysphoria is a fucking mind trip for anyone who grew up with it. To suddenly live in your own skin. To suddenly be yourself. You have to learn to skills, learn how to relax, learn how to be without pretending anymore.
Passing almost always goes better than we expect. The simple truth is that in day-to-day life, people follow our lead when they gender us, and no single thing will destroy that. I have a friend who is 6′3″ and heavy, and if you went up and down the checklists we make for ourselves, you could find any number of challenges she must face to “pass” as cis. But she just vibes female.
HRT can have unexpectedly successful or disappointing results. They say look to your immediate family, but also look to your extended family. My body is more like my aunt’s than my mother’s, for example. HRT will also generally address most of your body hair. I have friends who had the proverbial chest carpet pre-transition, and HRT addressed all of it. No hair removal required. (Legs and arms can still be a thing, but cis women have to deal with that as well when living to today’s beauty standards.)
Electrolysis is a life changer. Changing the texture of your face is huge, because it eliminates the need to use foundation makeup just to look fem. Finding an excellent electroygist is essential. (If you have dark hair and fair skin, you can start with laser and get a rapid jump on things.)
Finally, 1.87m is not that tall. Look at who’s taller than you.
[I had several pictures that disappeared. I will try to add some now.]
Q2：I’ve been on MTF hormones for about 2 months and having doubts. I’m very emotional and afraid that I’m making a wrong decision either way. I’m also afraid to tell my therapist since she might cut off my hormones. Am I not transgender?（不过情况稍有不同，提问的人并不喜欢HRT带来的所有效果例如男性性功能障碍与肌肉减退）
A1：
Remember that you are your own best advocate. No one else knows what you are thinking so they cannot make informed decisions without first being informed.
I do suggest that you talk to someone about these “conflicts”. They may tell you to take a reduced dosage? They may tell you to stop? (if you tell them that you still want to be on hormones, but would like achieve erections, then the endocrinologist may be able to help you balance that out - they specialize in that area of practice for a reason).
I will tell you this, I tend to forget to take my medication half the time (so I tend to have more erections than I used to) - I’m also several years after being on hormone therapy …
If you like using your penis for sex, great! Find someone who will let you use your penis!
You mention singing and having a passing female range. Hire a vocal coach to help you with your singing. Practice for 5 minutes a day to raise the pitch … Or just say fuck it and own your voice.
Be genderqueer. Subvert the norm! Make people question everything! Own your transition, wear jeans, maybe wear a bra, wear comfortable shoes, refuse to wear makeup.
Just be comfortable in your skin.
If you want to be on hormones, great, be on hormones.
The quest for most people’s transitions (if not all) is to find a balance to where you can feel comfortable staring at yourself … If you can do that you’re leagues ahead of most people. Some people forget this goal, and just make it about being a woman or the opposite gender. When it should really about where you feel comfortable on that spectrum.
Help people understand where you sit on the spectrum. Help people understand your identity. How they can help you correctly refer to you so that you don’t twinge inside they call you by the wrong pronoun. Should they call you by a different name? Great!
Point is, Feel comfortable.
If you need to, take self defense so that if someone doesn’t like the way you look, or if it would help you feel more confident walking around. I highly encourage it. (sorry long rant)
A2：
I have an off-the-wall suggestion: is it possible to go to a different therapist than the one who prescribed your hormones? I don’t really know that it’s “the done thing”, but it’s the first thing I’d personally look into trying to do if I were in your circumstances. (At the time of writing this, attempting to research whether or not this is a good idea stumped me. If someone with more of a clue than I have in that department sees this, I’d really love input.)
That said, if you’re going to a good therapist, they shouldn’t hold your hormones hostage (so to speak) to keep you from talking or asking about certain things. Any good therapist should understand, help you work through your concerns, and be non-judgmental.
To address your question more directly: doubts are perfectly normal among trans people. A lot of trans people who realize that they are trans later in their lives ask themselves if they’re “really” trans, whatever that happens to mean. This is a big decision, and there is a lot of pressure involved because one of the options is so heavily disfavored by society. I don’t actually know how to answer that question for you - only you will be able to figure that out. However, for what it’s worth, you’ve made it this far; I don’t think you would have stuck with it if there wasn’t something going on that’s worth figuring out. Even if you aren’t trans, you deserve the help figuring out what’s been going on.
In particular, transitioning is generally going to present at least some difficulties, especially early on. The benefits may very well be worth those difficulties, or they may not. This will be a question you will have to solve for yourself, but ideally it should be possible to have a good therapist helping you with that.
Good luck.
其实大家的意思是说有害怕这个情绪是正常的并且普遍的，不代表你就不适合进行HRT了，要是其余焦虑大于吃糖焦虑就停下吃糖看看，要是想要吃糖的愿望迫切到在被强制阻止时候会去考虑碳酸钡，那么你继续也是没有任何错的，一切在于你的自身愿望，不要有“因为xxx你必须xxx”的想法
这个帖子里边的内容也对我的迷惑非常有帮助
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